The Suki Kamasutri: Queen of the Galactic Frontier


Eddie Takosori

Please note: the first few chapters of Suki follow in html format. For the complete story in doc or pdf format, please go to:
Suki Kamasutri

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    The Suki Kamasutri: Queen of the Galactic Frontier -- one of the hallmark Ethers from the late 23rd Century was produced on a shoestring budget with a minimal cast yet remains a fan favorite to this very day.  Who would have thought shopping for a dress could be ‘so very the much the fun,’ as the Suki I think she might say.

# # # Suki Kamasutri First Meeting # # #

    Who are you?  And what are you doing here?
    The who be the asking the what, the where, the how, and the when?
    I said, who are you?  And what are you doing here?
    Who be the asking?  That be what the Suki be wanting to the know.  The Stranger Man sneak up behind the Suki and right away he start in with the highly personal inquisitive questions.  And the Suki, she think to herself, who be this Stranger Man.  He be the rude, that be for the certain, probably not brought up to be the polite like the Suki, so maybe he grow up on the wrong side of the moon, the Suki, she be the thinking.  That be the probably the it?  Stranger Man probably grow up on the bombed-out ghetto-slum war planet?
    I was raised on a cruise ship.
    Really?  That stop the Suki the cold.  That make her think for the moment.  The Suki going to have to ponder on the that.  Let it sink all the way in.  He be ‘raised on the cruise ship’, the Stranger Man, he say?
    Yes, and my name is Tug, not ‘Stranger Man’.  And what did you say your name was, again?
    The Suki say it be the Suki like the dozen of times by the now.  But officially, the Suki be known the far and the wide across the entire cosmos-osis as the Suki Kamasutri: Queen of the Galactic Frontier... or the something like the that.  The Suki no be the so sure about the last part, maybe she be the Queen of the This or the Queen of the That.  It probably matter where the Suki the settle down in the end.  Hard to be the Suki Kamasutri: Queen of the Galactic Frontier if the Suki wind up being the Ether star.  The Suki be sure to live near the hub, then.  But maybe she take the trip to the galactic frontier on the vacation.  Of the course, by then she be the rich and the famous and have the guides to make sure she be the safe.  One of them probably be the strong leading-man handsome-type to play opposite the Suki as her romantic interest.  This Tug No Stranger Man Mister know the person who maybe interested in playing the part of the romantic interest lead opposite the Suki?
    No.  I don’t think so.
    No.  The Suki did not think the so, the either.
    OK.  Fine.  I think we’ve established beyond any reasonable doubt who you are.  You’re some crazy little girl, probably lost, maybe taken in by the monks on a mission of mercy?
Mister the Tug, he could no be the more wrong.  He think it be the mission of the mercy to be raised by the Bandi Brothers?  The Mister be the crazy one for the sure, if he think the that.  Spending her life here, it be like the slow torture for the Suki.  No.  The Suki rethink the that.  It be like the fast torture slowed down.  Or the slow torture speeded up.  Or maybe...
    Not so sure, are you.
    It awful, that the one thing the Suki be the sure about.
    Yes, the really.
    So, what did they do to the poor little Suki?  Treat her kindly?
    The maybe.
    Feed her?
    If the Mister Gourmet ever eat with the Brothers Bandi, then he know it no really be the food they eat, much less the gourmet good to eat goodness.  It be the awful lot more like the disgusting gruel.
    Food’s food.  And they clothed you, too.
    Mister Dumb Interrogator just be showing off his ignorance, the now.  No one who know the slightest thing about the fashion sense call what the Suki be wearing the clothes.
    Whatever.  I bet they fed you, clothed you, took you in, and after all that, this is how you’ve decided to repay them, by sneaking onto a pilgrim’s ship to see what you could steal.
    Oh, the Mister, he be opening the great big can of the worms if he be the slanderizing the Suki’s good name and calling her the thief.
    Oh?  If you’re not a thief, then why are you going through my cabinets.  No.  Stop opening drawers and look at me when I’m talking to you.  Besides, there’s nothing in them, anyhow.
    The Suki sort of notice the that, so she ask the why?  Why the Mister Deadbeat Stupid No Name Mister no have the loot?
    My name is Tug. 
    Yeah, Mister Stupid Name, just like the Suki say.  Why the Mister Stupid Name, the Push, the Pull, the Shove Stupid No Name no have the no nothing?
    I took the Vow of Poverty.  And for the last time, my name is Tug.
    No mommy no never name her precious baby boy the Push-Pull-Tug, so the Suki think the Mister Shove-Shove-Shove use the fakery name.  That be what the Suki be the thinking.  She think Mister Stupid No Name use the made up moniker and he no even smart enough to use the gooder fakery name like maybe the Mister Smarty Pants would.
    I suppose you would know, because, just between you and me, Suki... the Kamasutri... the Queen of the Galactic Frontier does sound just a wee bit like a made up name to me.
    It be the stage name, for when the Suki be the big Ether star.
    So, what’s your real name?
    The Suki.  The Suki admit she add the Queen of the Galactic Frontier part herself.
    Not to mention that Kamasutri part.
    It be the nickname.  But it be the true, the Suki give the nickname to herself.  But while we back on the subject, the Suki bet the Tug be the stupid nickname the Mister of the Vow of the Poverty give to himself, back in the day, when the Mister More Stupider had the something to call his own.  Oh, the Suki know, the now.  She figure it the out.  She bet there be the time -- the way back the when -- when the Mister have it the all, only he get the space sickness... or the Suki the know, even the better, he forget he watching the Ether, and he see the scary monster, so he pull out his blaster and he shoot the laser holes in the everything he own.  Once he calm the down, the Stupid No Name Crazy Space Mister realize how the crazy-stupid it all the look, so he throw the everything out the airlock into the deep space, never to be seen the ‘gain.  And that be when Mister Nutcase decide to take the Vow of the Poverty.  It be all on the account of the Crazy Mister’s blaster rampage.  But it be the OK.  The Mister Crazy can tell the Suki all the ‘bout it and she no spill the beans on the him.  She know how it the goes.  The loose lips, they be the ones that sink the ships or so the Suki be the told.
    Um, I’m really not so sure that I’m the crazy one here.

Yes, the please!
The more the Suki for me!

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