Eddie Takosori

in memorial

June 9th, 1964 to March 18th, 2014

Eddie died last night. The news feed is already eating it up. They're calling it one of those double murder suicides. His body was found next to his wife's. Both with gunshot wounds to the head. But they'll never find the gun. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that they will never find the smoking gun. The only thing I wonder about, is anyone even bothering with the pretence of looking?

I met Eddie six years ago; and thereupon, agreed to publish his work and act as his agent. I'm never did publish anything of his while he was still alive. I guess I'm not a very good agent. And given that track record, don't ask me why he named me as curator of his life's work. Perhaps it was because he knew I would adhere to his wishes and post everything he ever wrote to the Internet. After all, what does it matter. The writing's on the wall and what it says is clear enough. I've only got sick years left myself. And during that time, rather than proofreading Eddie's manuscripts or trying to squeeze them for money, I'm going to spend my last few years gazing at the girls and prancing about on the white sands of Lahina...

Brett Paufler
March 19th, 2014

The Complete Works of Eddie Takosori

a delightful image of one mans nightmares and or the cover to The Sick, Eddie Takosori Masterpiec

The Sick: Drugs, Sex, & Celaphopods by Eddie Takosori

Brain sucking squids, meth fueled cultists, and lots of brain warping sex. In my experience, the three often go hand in hand. If Eddie were still around, he'd tell you this story was autobiographical. Based on the text messages he's still receiving, he might have been telling the truth... or at least, he was not the only one deceived by the lie.

The Suki Kamasutri: Queen of the Galactic Frontier by Eddie Takosori

These entries are listed by order of quality, importance, likelihood of being eventually monetizing, and how fondly I remember them. Second from the top, this is one of the better ones. I figure, I owe it to Eddie to send this one out to at least a few agents before releasing it to the wilds of the Internet. So, if the link above ever goes live (and posts the complete manuscript rather than a link to the first chapter), well then, you'll know I've given up on that quest... or my time is up and somebody has just finished reading my will and last testament. Anyway, Eddie claimed this was a transmission from the future, some TV broadcast thing he picked up on the Ethers, sort of like what Celli is doing all the time. Those who don't buy into all that Sick stuff, can easily interpret it as a love letter to his wife, a love affair to last the ages, as they meet again in some future life. (And yes, it's all up as of this writing. I am not much of a marketer. The link above leads to the first chapter or so online. And after a few pages of that, there's a download link for the entire manuscript.)

Dream Jeannie by Eddie Takosori

Eddie loved his wife. This is another story about her and their twisted relationship full of all manner of sexual innuendo and role-playing. Of course, there's surprisingly little sex in this story -- none at all, actually. And when you get right down to it, this would make for a great Twilight Zone episode. And since I could use the cash, the rights are for sale... for all of Eddie's work.

The UFO Attractors Handbook: Practical Advice for an Impractical Hobby by Eddie Takosori

What can I say? Eddie was a bit weird. He liked to go for midnight strolls on the beach. Not so much because it looks really cool the way the moon reflects off the waves, but because he was hoping to meet up with aliens. If you're willing to believe him, he will claim to have done just that on more than one occasion. This body of work explains how you can too (certain restrictions apply, yada-yada, see complete disclaimer below).

Divining the Broken Heart by Eddie Takosori

Magic, witchcraft, charms, personal words of power, astral projection, tarot cards, palmistry: these are just a few of the things Eddie believed in. I can't say how much I believe. But one thing I will say, Eddie had quite the collection of antique Tarot Cards. He claimed to have earned them all the hard way -- cash on the barrel head for personal readings from satisfied customers. This is his tutorial. Individual results may vary. Ironically, Eddie does not recommend esoteric cards for beginners. Start with what you know. Then read what Eddie has to say... and you'll know more.

Babel by Eddie Takosori

Playing with Fire (aka Pele's Tears) by Eddie Takosori

Schlock by Eddie Takosori

Astral Porn (a.k.a. Astral) by Eddie Takosori

Um, you know, from the title, I was expecting a lot more sex... some sex, any sex, actually. But it's a different type of porn, a wet dream if you will of power and glory.

Three... Walk Into a Bar by Eddie Takosori

Political Correctness be damned! Three Men of Alternative Sexual Orientation Walk into a Bar whereupon a deal is struck.

Victoria I by Eddie Takosori

Victoria wasn't the first person he killed, nor the last. But it is a rather gruesome story. And that's why it's last on this list.

© 2014 Copyright Brett Paufler
all rights reserved
in Si we trust

The Rambling Disclaimer:

Provided for entertainment purposes only. Nothing has been fact checked. Eddie was first and foremost a writer of fiction. He might have been happy to claim the contrary, but I don't like being sued, so I shall make the usual disclaimer. It's all fiction.

Any resemblance between anything Eddie had to say and any real person, place, or thing -- living or dead, and I suppose that would include Eddie and his wife Kelly, now -- is a coincidental. Though how one goes about fact-checking "It's all a lie" I do not know. Also, don't interpret any of this as advice (even if claims to be advice in the title... especially if it claims to be advice in the title... especially-especially if it claims to be advice on how to attract UFO's in the title). It's not advice. It's random gibberish.

By viewing the contents of this site you are agreeing to hold me harmless, pay me whatever royalty and fees I may so desire, cover my attorney's fees (in advance, I might add, and regardless whether you are involved in any way, shape, or form -- by your own acts or otherwise -- in regards to said attorney's fees), doctor's fees, psychiatrist fees (those do seem to add up), home-owner's fees, and/or mortgages, as well as bowing low whenever I enter a room, laughing at my jokes, and in general doing whatever I want whenever I want for as long as I want... which includes allowing me to change these site terms at my whim, discretion, and for my personal benefit without regard to how that might effect you. And now that I think about it, I don't recall ever giving you permission to read the content of these web pages in the first place... let alone, download anything. So in the words of... whoever that guy was, "Back off, Jack!"

Terms of Service

Direct Links to Complete Manuscripts

For those who wish to skip the landing pages.

Astral Porn (pdf version)
Astral Porn (doc version)

Divining the Broken Heart (pdf version)
Divining the Broken Heart (doc version)

Divining the Broken Heart: Found Runes (pdf version)
Divining the Broken Heart: Found Runes (doc version)

Divining the Broken Heart: The Spice of Life (pdf version)
Divining the Broken Heart: The Spice of Life (doc version)

Dream Jeannie (pdf version)
Dream Jeannie (doc version)

Suki Kamasutri: Queen of the Galactic Frontier (pdf version)
Suki Kamasutri: Queen of the Galactic Frontier (doc version)

Suki Kamasutri in The Boom Boom Girl (pdf version)
Suki Kamasutri in The Boom Boom Girl (doc version)

Suki Kamasutri: All She Do Is Talk Talk (pdf version)
Suki Kamasutri: All She Do Is Talk Talk (doc version)

Three... Walk into a Bar (pdf version).
Three... Walk into a Bar (doc version).

Victoria I (pdf version)
Victoria I (doc version)