Kimo: larger than life and your whole family combined.
Kimo Character Sketch
KIMO: with the blood of Hawaiian royalty flowing through his veins,
Kimo is the unofficial protector of the island. Of course, this
purely honorific title might have more to do with his truly immense,
awe-inspiring, larger than life size than anything else. Which is
to say, there is no scale on Lihi’i that is large enough to hold Kimo
-- let alone, weigh him. But depending on who you ask, they’ll
tell you that Kimo weighs as much as three, four, five, six, or even
seven ordinary men. In fact, Kimo is so large
that it is quite easy to believe the rumor that he once won a
tug-of-war against a pair of army jeeps and thereby saved the island
from invasion. No mean feat that, even if the jeeps were bogged
down in sand at the time. But perhaps most
importantly, Kimo is the only man alive who may sit in the Throne of
the Gods... under pain of death -- a slow painful death reminiscent of
being buried alive or suffocating under the crushing weight of the
ocean.
What Cliff mean to say is that Kimo sit on you, he see you sitting in the Throne of the Gods. He don’t say hi. He don’t say move. He just sit on you, like you no even there. Let me tell you, nobody make that mistake twice.
The
Barge
- twice a year the barge comes to town; and this time, local boys
want more money than usual to unload. Kami wants Cliff
to force everyone to work ('For the good of all Lihi'i), but Cliff
refuses. If everyone else is going on strike, I don't see why I should have to work.
And as the strike ensues, the barge slowly unloads itself, while
everyone gets a little addition to their cottage, shack,
hovel (new corragated tin roof,
bathtub, sink, window, door). If Kami was going to use, then why he let it rust on the ground?
Or at least, those are the rough notes as Cliff left behind. Fleshed out a little further, we have:
STORY: The Barge,
when the annual barge arrives and offloads its goods on the beach, Kimo
wants to get paid more than the rest to help put it away. We
should get paid by the pound, yeah?' 'No, no. By our
pound. This, of course, raising discord amongst the rest and
initiates a work stoppage, which to the untrained eye might appear as
business as usual. But rest assured, there is a difference
between Not Working and Not Getting Any Work Done (one gets paid
for the latter). Anyway, slowly but surely the goods on the beach
start to disappear, until nothing is left and everyone on the island
has a new window, door, and even kitchen sink in their house. If
Kami wanted, he should no have let it sit on the beach. Wave must
have come and wash it away. And/or: Oh, this? It wash back up,
and everyone know flotsam free for the taking.
* * * * *
COMMENTARY: Actually, as you have no doubt noticed, Cliff left
behind pretty good notes for this one.
The biannual barge comes and unloads. The crates are on the beach, but rather than work at normal rates, Kimo wants to get paid by the pound.
No, by my pound.
This doesn't work, so there is a strike -- or more simply, a lack of work. Time passes and folks start raiding the shipment.
What? I order da Spam. It no Kami's. I just move this door out of the way. And then, the next person comes along: I
just get some noodles. Think they behind this chair. But
oh, hey. Look. Door floating away. It flotsam now.
And so the next takes the chair, but not before moving the stove, the
this, the that, the everything, till nothing is left. And we could end there...
What! No! No! This could no end there! This be the highway robbery. More
like beachside robbery, if you ask me. And what, with the up's and
down's, rising tide of capitalism.... Oh,
no! Cliff! You no quick-quick talk your way out of this
one. I robbed. I lodge formal complaint. You
investigate. Hey, where you go with that metal siding? It
no flotsam! It mine! Cliff, you investigate now!
There go my beer!
So, Cliff has to investigate, because that's his job... and we wouldn't have much of a story if he didn't.
Of course, there not much to investigate. There's nothing left on
the beach and it's pretty obvious who has what -- even Father Cross.
It is not ours to question. The school needed a new blackboard. And the Good Lord provided. That's
not actually what I was going to ask you about. I put in the
requisition. It's yours. But as to the case of sardines... Loaves
and fishes, my boy. Loaves and fishes. If you came to
service more often, you'd know about that. I suppose that explains the wine, as well.
Everyone has something -- more than something. And on an island
like Lihi'i, it's not hard to know who has what.
So, Anne? You're just saying this brand-new bathtub, just washed up into your backyard. Don't be ridiculous. The boys helped me carry it up from where it washed up on the beach. Doesn't sound like any of the boys I know. Well, there may have been mention of a chocolate cake. And where were you going to get the ingredients for that?
And so the wild goose chase goes. Eventually, all the items are accounted for... as flotsam.
They steal me blind! Cliff, this your job! Do something!
And
so he does. Couldn't throw a luau as then he'd loose his bet with
Thirty Seven, so he does the next best thing and throws a Pot Luck.
How that different from a luau? Everybody just brings whatever they were lucky enough to find on the beach. So, we just supposed to give it back. Well,
seeing as how all Kami has at this point is that wallet of his stuffed full of cash that he
was going to pay everyone to unload the barge, I image what he's
going to bring.
And that's how harmony and statis was restored to the isle.
What?
No! I no pay you more than the rest. I no care you
bring more than the rest. This beachway robbery, Cliff. You
hear me, Cliff?
But of course, Cliff didn't. Thirty Seven may have been whispering something into his ear. And then, there is the call of the jungle.
Cliff! You get back here, Cliff!
And that's how it was determined that Kimo was worth his
weight in canned meats -- or something along those lines. Maybe pound for pound, more than the rest. Eh, I'll have to work on it.
Email me if you can think of a better closing line. Better yet, finish the story and I'll post it online for you (all rights reserved, etc. etc.).