Brett Rants


Who knows?
Maybe I have some.

Rules to Live By

I was doing some reading. And yes, I read... when I'm not writing, so maybe not as much as I'd like, but it's some, so back off. Anyway, I was reading. And I'm just going to ignore the snickering going on in the rear portion (hind quarters, if you will) of my brain (an unruly bunch of neurons in that back quadrant, the nether regions, as it were), and try to keep on keeping on.

I was reading. The topic at hand was some sort of list, about, oh, I don't know, how to succeed, or be a success, or be productive, or achieve greatness, or something like that. And personally, I found the list a bit, oh, I don't know, daft is the first word that comes to mind, so let's just say, it's not the list I'd make. And what is that list that I'd make you may ask... or at least, I hope you ask, because there's not much point in continuing on if you don't ask, pretend to ask, or at least, hope that someone else in the audience will ask...

I'm waiting...

Oh. My list? Yes, of course. Glad you asked.

Eye on the Prize

How does what you're doing (right now) make your goals manifest in reality . Yes, Mr Brett, how does this random rant achieve your goals. Yes, very good question. I will be taking questions at the end. But right now, I am in the middle of something else, and I haven't the resources to squander answering random questions that do not concern the current rant and instead shall choose to focus of my goal.

Aspire to Greatness

So, you know, do as I say; not as I do. Now, stop trying to side track me.


Yeah, spell check doesn't even know that one. I am so cool. I'm a hacker you know: writer, programmer, appreciator of fine wines, expensive cheeses, and quite the romantic lead about town (a lover, if you must know), as well. Any-hoo, refactoring is what us programmers (hackers, coders, tech guys, just don't call me a TI drone) call editing. You think the chain of thought in these rants are spurious, tangential (bordering on transcendental) at best. Well, I guess it's just as well that you didn't get here before I reread this page a few (dozen, half-dozen, at least once) times.

Dare to be Wrong

So, like I said, I'm just using this other list as a template for this list, which is, like, a totally different thing from plagiarism. See, if this were plagiarism, although my list might still suck (probably suck even more), it still wouldn't make any more sense, because the original list really was just a few buzzwords for headings with spurious explanations underneath (sort of like, but complete unlike the explanations here) that sort of (but then again don't really come close) to explaining what the buzzwords meant. See, dare to be wrong. Aspire to stupidity. Lower the expectation of those around you so much so that in no time, you'll astound them with your mediocrity. Or, you know, just sort of do what you (or I, really should stop saying you when I mean I, probably just as confusing as saying John, when I mean Brett, but anyway), do what you (darn it, I) want, that's what I should do and forget about the rest.

Surround Yourself with Yourself

Actually, this one is to hunt (seek, whatever, so long as ye shall find) greatness and surround yourself with self said same (gosh darn but I do love slaughtering the English language in my self-styled pursuit of self, said, and same) greatness. You know, sort of like, you are what you eat. Anyway, telling myself to surround myself with greatness is sort of (almost exactly) like hugging myself. Gee! Aren't I terrific. I hope you agree. (And I'll just let you wonder whether I meant you as in you or you as in I in that last.)

Go the Extra Mile

See, in that last paragraph, I (as in I) felt it would be best if I (as in I) italicized a few things, so I went back and did that just now. Why, because you (as in you) my dear, sweet, reader are worth it.

Dream the Impossible Dream

I was involved with one of the greatest novels ever. How? By believing, nay insisting (as some will say) that I, a mere mortal from the realms of man might be allowed to edit Celli's Masterpiece. Anyhow, without that bit of gall, that belief, that... whatever another word for the same thing as gall, belief, oh, I don't know... naivete, yeah, that's probably a good one, anyway, I was so naive that I thought it might (just given the chance) work, so I took a shot at it. No, that sounds a bit violent. So, stab? No, not any better. Whatever. Without dreams, there would be no nightmares... You know, fingers, if that's what you're going to type when I'm trying to be serious and make a point here, I'm just going to move on. Dream Big. Let the others worry about paying the rent.

Focus on Deliverables

I came late to the game on this one. But the concept is simple enough. A story idea is not copyrightable nor is an idea for a technological improvement patentable (they have to be made manifest, the idea itself is worthless, it's execution that counts, and there I go sounding violent again, whatever.). Focus on stuff that's copyrightable and patentable... or failing at that, at least focus on stuff that's sell-able.

Cash is King

Long live the king. Actually, this one has nothing to do with the Monarchy (as opposed to all the other items on this list, I suppose). I can't begin to tell you (no not even by beginning to tell you can I begin to tell you) how many times I sat around, a beer in hand (or a malted milk as the case may be, I'm looking at you, here, Celli), brainstorming with another lush (would be lush, lush wannabe, pretender to lushdom, or otherwise partaker of the inebrial arts) and the topic of wealth was broached and how we (or I, odd how this is always couched in terms of we) can get rich. Usually, there's some sort of seed money requirement. Well, here's the thing, and the thing is, the thing that's going to make you rich (be the thing for you) is going to be one of those things that doesn't take any money (or at least, not much of it). Know what that thing is? Well, if you don't, someday you will, and one of the ways you will know is that getting money won't be the first step. Want to open (yet another) hamburger stand or start a pizza business, make some food. It's as simple as that. Make enough burgers and someday, someone will say, 'You should open a pizza place, this stuff is great.' And forget about how you where thinking of going the burger route. Cash is King. The customer is always right. And without a doubt, if you're making hamburgers and your guinea pigs (sorry, meant to say friends, there, but we all know that won't last, feeding them that crap, but whatever, if these human vessels of gastronomic daring do) think you're trying to improve your pizza crust, call it quits, and just open a dry cleaning business or something. For that first month, you can just take all the clothes around the corner to that other place (where they really should be taking their clothes in the first place, save some money if they did) and no one will be the wiser. So, perhaps just starting as a dry cleaning delivery service is the way to go. Start today however you can. If you can't start today, you're dreaming too big. But not me, man, I can't dream too big, after all, I'm the idea man here. They don't call this place Brett Rants for nothing.

Keep Learning

If nothing else, learn how to make a frikin' hamburger, dude.

Do What You Say
Say What You Mean!

Not hard, really. Say you're going to make a hamburger? Then make a frikin' hamburger. Oh, wait! Great idea! And like, I'm the idea man here, so when I say great idea, I mean GREAT IDEA!!! Let's call the place: Frikin' Hamburgers, Dude. Catchy, huh?

Go All In

So, about our place, Frikin' Hamburgers, Dude, I found the perfect location. You're going to have to mortgage your house or something to afford the rent (and, hey, don't look at me, just the idea man here, dude, buddy, friend, can I call you my business associate).

Stay True to Yourself

But that doesn't mean we're not (so are we or aren't we) counting on you to dig deep, find a pair, and mortgage that house. I mean, do we have a partnership (and by partnership, I, of course, mean a one-way soul-sucking parasitic relationship that will leave you high and dry) or not. Seriously, if you have to ask the wife, maybe you're just not... geez, got to help me out here for the phrase that will play you like a puppet, so, man enough, the man for the job, committed, daring, reckless, insightful, entrepreneurial... or, I know, I mean, some folks are OK being mediocre, going through life as just another wannabe failure, maybe you're just OK with that?

Pay the Frikin' Rent, Dude

Or, you know, when push comes to shove, get 'er done, whatever that means, even if that means cranking out some patently worthless drivel, well, you know, the stuff you (meaning I) love to read years later, well, for the most, it all came out as drivel on day one. Pay the Piper. Pay your dues (and, of course, by your dues, I mean, my dues). And don't give me any crap about how your wife nixed the idea of us going into business together, because when it's time to put up or shut up... well, hot-sweet-you're-the-man, I go my word count, so time to go.

Maybe I'll finish this up at some other time.
But for now, I thank you for your time.
You may pay the man on your way out.
Or, whatever, not like I running a business here.
Idea man, that's me.
Money man, well, if that's the case, you're looking for someone else.
Probably that very same guy you were going to pay on the way out, if you know what I mean...

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I'm not saying
shouldn't live your life
according to stupid list
on someone else's
meaningless blog,
just that


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