The Suki Kamasutri: Queen of the Galactic Frontier

Eddie Takosori

# # # Season 1 # # #

# # # Episode 1 # # #

# # # Page 3 # # #

    Miss Suki? That sound the sort of nice. But the Mister, he got it all the wrong. The Suki no be the one in the trouble. It be the Mister who be in the trouble. He dock in the Port of Bandi under the fakery name credentials! And he admit to the lying under oath about it!
    I’m not under oath.
    But the Mister no deny he be the lying. And that be the serious offense. The Suki be the Port Inspector, the Port Guard... Actually, it be the sort of ironic on the account of how the sophisticated and worldy-wise the Bandi claim to the be. But Bandi really be the backwater Banana-dana Republic Planet... on the account of how the Suki be the only duly elected official, so she be the judge, the jury, and the executioner all the rolled into the one.
    Is that a fact?
    As the matter of the fact, it most decidedly and certainly be the fact.
    You’re lying.
    The Suki no the lie. The Suki, the fib. The Suki stretch the truth, maybe massage the facts, all these the things, the Suki has been the known to the do. But the lie? The Suki no never the lie.
    Fine, then. Have it your way. You’re merely distorting the truth.
    It still be the sounding the lot like the Mister be calling the Suki the liar.
    Yes. I’m sure it does. And that’s because that’s exactly what I’m doing.
    It not the nice. But the more the importantly, the Mister be the wrong.
    No. The Mister no be the wrong.
    Yes. The Mister most the definitely be the wrong. When the Suki be the younger, the long-long time the ago...
    I’m not thinking is was all that terribly long ago...
    It now be the time for the Mister to the ‘Hush!’ The Suki be the telling the story to the Mister, the now. And then, when she be the done, the Mister, he will know the truth.
    As the Suki would have the Mister believe.
    The exactly!
    I can hardly wait.
    So, the Mister let the Suki tell her story?
    Yeah, fine. Go ahead.
    Well, the Mister. The long the long time the ago, the Suki watch the Midnight Movie, the Super Scary Triple Feature in which the Klick’it insect alien invaders, invade the planet as they be the known to the do, and do the awful things to the men and the women and the little boy and girl child. And there be the terrible lot of the screaming, especially by the victimus women, which the Suki always figure be on the account of the Klick’it’ers do everything the all wrong which way. The Suki wonder if the Mister get that the lot? The screaming from the women or the young boy child if the Mister, he the swing that the way, he know, on the account of him the doing the sexual predatory advance thing the all the wrong which way?
    Does this story have a point?
    Yes, it most certainly the do. The Suki thank the Mister for the asking. As the Mister may well the imagine, the Suki was the horrified, scared the silly in the point of the fact, upon seeing the spleen eating spectacle. And so, she ask the Brother Billy about the Monk’s defenses, you the know, what the plans the Bandi’ had in the place in case the Klick’its invaded...
    You keep on mentioning these Klick’its?
    They be the nasty mutatonous praying mantis thingies. It be what that particular Ether be all the ‘bout. There be the whole series. The Mister no never see?
    No.
    Well, the Mister no miss the that the much. In the truth, the Suki no so the impressed by the production values in the retrospect. The Klick’it look the awful lot like the stunt double extra in the old time surplus spacesuit with the painted plastic pieces glued on the all sloppy like when the Suki see Attack of the Klick’it’s the second time the ‘round. But it seem the real enough to the Suki the first time. And so, she ask the Brother Billy, cause he seem to be in charge of the everything to Suki at the time on the account of how he be in the charge of the Suki at the time, but then, as the time go the by even the he look he be the wearing the fake silly costume the more and the more to the Suki as she get the older and especially as of the lately, if the Mister know what the Suki, she the mean.
    Actually, I have no idea. I am completely lost.
    The Suki think the Mister probably score the low on the listening skill aptitude comprehension test in the school. That probably be the why he no like the Ether, it be all about the listening skill aptitude comprehension. Some folk, they think it be about the flashy picture show, but it really the voice over that carry it all. If the picture go, it not so bad, but the Suki loose the sound, and it no good, no good at the all.
    Um, the truth is, it’s no good at the all, the no never ever.
    That be what the Suki expect the Mister with the low listening aptitude skills comprehension to the say.
    My listening aptitude skills comprehension is fine. I just have a hard time following along when I’m being bombarded by a lightning cascade of nonstop gibbering nonsense.
    What the Mister be the saying?
    I mean, how do you even know that I don’t watch loads of the ole Ether non-stop when I’m traveling interstellar trans-planet.
    One, the Mister be the visiting the Bandi. That be the big the clue. Two, there no be the screen... the here... or the there... or the anywhere in the here.
    Is that what you’ve been searching for?
    It be the nice extra. But the answer be the no. The Suki have her own screen. It be the small, it be the true. But it be the better than the nothing, which be the seeming the more and the more what the Mister have to the offer the Suki.
    Is that a fact?
    The Suki, she call it like she see it.
    So, why are you here again? Or still here?
    The Suki still have the hope beyond the hope that the Mister have the secret stash. Maybe he have the ice creamery hidden away for the rainy the day. The Suki, she hear the good things about the Comet Cones, the Rocky Rocket’s... But the truth be, the Suki no really the too particular, since she no never tasted the one nor the other. So, she just confiscate whatever the Mister have in her capacity as the Planetary Warden and she let the Mister off with the warning.
    For what?
    For the Mister Tug lying about his stupid fakery name, of the course.
    We’ve been over this.
    And the Suki been the over the this... or maybe the Suki no been the over this? Truth be, she get the confused.
    I know the feeling. I’m most definitely confused at this point.
    It be the understandable. It all go back to the low listen skill aptitude test comprehension thing the Suki be telling the Mister about the earlier. So, the Suki make it easy on the Mister and she explain it the slowly and the simply.
    That would be nice.

Yes, the please!
More the Suki for me!