Waimea Ranch House

65-1144 Mamalahoa Hwy

Across street from Ace, next to Keck HQ


{written 2008 or so}


{I do believe this place went out of business.Did I call it or did I call it?}


††††††††† I like the Waimea Ranch house.The food is simply divine and the service... oh, it sucks.I mean, the service is like unbelievably bad, atrocious.This restaurant is never going to get one star, let alone three.Donít ask me whatís wrong with the place.I donít know, but if I had to guess, Iíd theorize that the owner is in the midst of a nasty divorce, his cocaine habit has gotten out of hand, or heís got brain cancer and itís nibbling away at his commons sense.Granted, Iíve never met the man--or the woman for that matter--so I donít know, but itís got to be something.{And this is whatís known in the trade as a joke, not to be taken seriously, etc.}

††††††††† I went in the other day and we sat at the bar.Half of the restaurant is this white tablecloth affair and the other is this backwoods bar type thing.You know, the kind of place that has four walls, and what passes for dťcor is a beer sign.Iím exaggerating a little.The place is actually decorated OK, but the point is half the place is this fine dining--wine with your meal--type place, and the other is a bar.Itís just a flat out a bar.People go there to drink.Alcohol is the main draw, and what do you suppose these wizards of enterprise at the Waimea Ranch Houselet happen?They let their liquor license expire!I kid you not.Donít most restaurants that serve booze make like 25% of their money on the stuff, and you know that number has to be even higher for a bar, but this place just up and lets its license expire.How can that happen?It would be as if McDonalds ran out of hamburgers.ďOh, yeah, about that, we forgot to order them...Ē Can you imagine it?

††††††††† The point is, if they canít be bothered to renew their liquor license, you just know they canít be bothered with little things like special orders, getting your side order of bread ($2) to you before the dessert course, or anything like that.You show up, they give you a menu, you tell them what you want (no substitutions please, none, nada, donít even ask) and then they bring you the food.Thatís it.They might come around and ask you how everything is, but they donít really mean it, and basically it shows.

††††††††† Still, I like the place.I actually prefer it to some of the bigger name restaurants in town.You can get a hamburger in the bar for $10, or you can get a Fantastic! steak in the tablecloth covered dinning area for $30.Actually theyíll sell you a steak in the bar, but what they wonít do is sell you a hamburger in the dinning room.Oddly thereís plenty of room usually available in each.No need to make a reservation, but hey, donít think that an empty dining room will prevent them from looking you over and copping an attitude as they try to figure out where to put you.No matter.Take the bad service as part of the dťcor, because the food is simply divine.Top notch.It really is amazing.My other theory about the chef is that heís got like this out of control cooking habit.I mean like heís got it bad.He just needs to cook, so the only reason he has the restaurant is to support this cooking Jones.Sure, maybe it doesnít make that much sense, but go there, eat, and youíll understand.

††††††††† Bottom line, the service is through the toilet.Simply the worst.Itís like they heard about that Soup Nazi guy in NY, and said, Yeah, now thatís how you run a place, great food, crappy service, and the customerís will come running.

††††††††† Anyhow, without being too redundant the food is great, wonderful, and fantastic, while the service sucks, and if you want a glass of wine itíll be awhile, because they forgot to renew their license.Who lets their liquor license expire?


{Yeah, went out of business.Have no idea what happened to the owner... if anything.Maybe he was an out-of-towner, showed up incognito at his place one day, tried to order a shot of Jack to kill the pain, realized theyíd up and let the license expire, and said, ďThatís it!Ē As he/she/it pulled the plug.

††††††††† Or, and this is perhaps more likely, they let the license expire, because they knew they were going to close the place on account of the land being worth, well, Iím guessing millions.Enough to retire on, anyhow, for simple folk like me, that is.}



Archived Articles

2014 Copyright Brett Paufler