The Diary Project

Weekly Journal: 2020-06-08

Let's Change It Up A Bit

Put through a gold Filter, we have a street light front and center, a silhouette of a duck to the left, and a BP watermark to the right, it is close to something wonderful, maybe it is

The Week In Artistic Montage

Tired. So Tired.

I laid awake Ruminating over Revenge late into the night. Then, I got up early for an appointment never kept... by the other. So, I am tired. And yet, unable to take a nap or fall back to sleep. My mind is different on such days. Certain parts don't open or never turn on. There is a certain emptiness. It's a mixed bag. Let's be honest, I could do without the thought patterns that kept me awake. "Yes. Acknowledged. Can we please move on?" Though, maybe this just means I am focusing my writing on the wrong sort of projects. How can we loop in a tale of revenge?

Now, all I have to decide is who dies...

Garbage Picking! Call it fifty cans of half used Spray Paint. But I haven't the need, desire, or storage space.

"I should note the time." And Insanity Strikes!

A long walk in the sun.

A drive about to Cash a Check and buy a Lottery Ticket.

And now, I'm trying to remember a Two Word Phrase that I use now and again, which I think would make a good T-Shirt Slogan. {I never did remember that phrase. Too bad. I should have written it down sooner.}

B&_ Retirement Home and Hedonist Enclave... you know, if we hit The Big One.


It's $100,000,000.00/each if we hit, after taxes. So, we are playing that game, as I prepare to eat Canned Pasta for Dinner.

9AM: Hot Chocolate
11AM: Hot Chocolate
1PM: Walk... a real one
3PM: Double Cheeseburger w/ Salad
6PM: Potato Chips and such
7PM: Walk... lots of sitting
9PM: Canned Pasta w/ Crackers, Parmesan, and Salad
10PM: Banana

Both Walks were to The Far Park, which is 1.2 miles round trip... or so, plus whatever walking while there, which was none on the second trip. I like walking back and forth in the grass with my shirt off: get a little sun and the unevenness works different muscles.

One Salad {in any given day} is a bit of an oddity. So, two...

Also, I'm sure there's tons of little snacks not mentioned: a handful of Potato Chips, a Chocolate Covered Cherry, Jelly Beans, and what not. {When all is said and done (when this is all over), I will have eaten about a Shoe Box worth of Liquor Filled Chocolate Covered Cherries. They are almost gone. Give it another week or two.}

Seize It!
Last Day Of Being Poor!

DREAM: Ice Skating around a track in the snow, which just got deeper as we went around. I was in first place, except for the guy who was way ahead. For a while, we all agreed to stop and rest.

Lottery Dream! Let the Bickering commence. We have differing ideas... lots of differing ideas... lots.

I want to buy Labour.

Others don't want to have Others in their Living Space.

The More House, The More Others are {required and} available.

We're going to be so rich, we're going to be part of the problem.

Tropical Storm Cristobal Has Landed! What? Was Tropical Storm Stupid Name already taken?

"He's got a bit of an attitude. And is it just me or does he not do enough bacon jokes?"

Heavy Rain! Short Blackout! But My Computer has been unplugged and safely stowed for a good hour.

FOOD: 2 Hot Chocolate

FOOD: Yogurt Fruit Bowl w/ Banana and Blueberries

FOOD: Hot-Dog Corn Black-Bean Cilantro Chili w/ Sour Cream (on top) and Flour Tortilla (in the bottom of the bowl)

It is not my intent to list all (or even most) of my food intake. But I wanted to make note of that Chili somewhere. And you know, once I get started...

Brett's Bar
No Drunks
No Slurred Speech
No Raised Voices
No Idiotic Behaviour
No Drinks To Go
No Drinking & Driving
No Exceptions

As per above, let us plan in advance (in microscopic detail) the life we will lead in our new Lakefront Home.

LEGO: Circular Castle Gate

Yeah, that's a pretty awesome LEGO Construction if I do say so, myself. I am quite pleased.

I take pictures of my LEGO Creations. But they are so many Castles in the Sand. I Deconstruct one Creation to Build the next. Reincarnation comes to mind, Soul Reuse, and so on. I will have to put together a Rant before long. I will say I am sort of surprised how easy it was to Deconstruct... everything, so far. It really is more of a process than a goal. True. Taking photographs helps, providing a sense of permanence, as photographs do. But when it comes time to post, how many images will I bother with? The Creations are bound to be highly repetitive. Eh, I'll either Post dozens upon dozens of pictures or just a few. We'll see.

Really, it's not so much bragging. OK. It is. But the reason I go on {about the LEGOS} is because I exceeded my expectations. I don't feel like a Grown Man playing with a Children's Toy. I feel like I did myself proud. Does that make sense? I'm not picking up where I left off 35+ Years Ago. I'm nailing this. I thought I'd struggle making a Castle. But it was very much a process of putting the next brick where it belonged, where it fit into the overall scheme of things.

Of course, now my expectations are much higher...

I Love Wind

DREAM: Talk of Harvesting Ducks led to using Barbed Wire to keep them in check on land where Harvesting was prohibited. This led to a False Memory of sorts, wherein my Grandfather's Barn was edged with Barb Wire and me remembering having torn my Left Shoe (and/or poking my Left Foot) on a corner of the stuff. I like the Wood Floor aesthetic, swept clean of Hay.

DREAM: I spend many a moment (in Dream Land) talking on the phone resolving (but mostly, failing to resolve) Business. Personally, I'd be happy to forget almost everything having to do with My Career.

DREAM: "Love, there is no worse Commander," in a Military Sense.

DREAM: As part of a reluctant initiation into The Family, I was to make myself useful and confirm the accounts in three packets. Somewhere (maybe not here, in there), there was an error. It turns out the Fifty Dollar Omission was a Historical Event, tallied to the account, but not in any way noted among the enclosed documents. In other words, are you one of us (and remember such things) or not?

DREAM: Dream Munitions (a Hand Grenade in this instance) are not overly effective.

3:21: The Fun & Games Portion of My Day, begins. First Up? Music.

4:40: Windy Day! Feels like rain. But it's supposed to miss us.

4:41: I haven't thrown a baseball in years. My arm doesn't move that way anymore. I'm trying to limber it up.

4:42: I really like that wind. It would be more like a breeze back in Hawaii. This wind, it would be... Steadier. That's what it would be. So at the lows, it's not much. But it is getting up there... enough to have some depth to it. {Being a Man of Letters, these are the words I chose to use when describing intermittent gusts of wind versus the steadier wind to be found in Hawaii.}

4:46: The swings are in use by Two moms plus assorted children.

5:07: There are lots of Tree Limbs down.

5:07: The walking pattern as of late has been: Near Park, Pit Stop, Ducks, Far Park, Ducks, Home.

5:14: Keys propped by the side of the road... a big wad of them.

5:26: That looks like a Baseball Team... a full compliment.

5:37: Sitting on a Park Bench trying to enjoy The Wind, as my mind goes this way and that.

6:18: Home. Drizzly. I put my phone in a Zip Lock Bag. But there was little need.

LEGO: Laser Pistol

I am enjoying the LEGOS. They are a good Sculpture Medium for me.

I want to move away from my Computer. Like, if I was going to say what to do next at some random moment in time, historically for the past decade or so, it's been Screen Focused. I want to pull back from that. So of course, I downloaded a LEGO CAD Program. That last is a bit of a joke. But it highlights the issue. I want to play away from my Computer more... but so many things are computer focused.

"You know, I can agree with you and still be right."

10:31: Lying in bed. Supremely Unmotivated. I don't feel much like reading. But it may well be a hour or more before we are all settled in and sleep is even a possibility. I perseverate {my mind circles about in endless loops} but hope to daydream. Eh, at least I am focusing on lyrics and a warm childhood memory. It could be worse... much darker.

I will dedicate this day to Njord... even if I didn't win The Lottery. But then, dedicating the day last thing might go a long way towards explaining the lack of a win.

11:26: Let's Talk Politics! Yes! That Will Be Conducive To Sleep! It's On!

Thor's Day

DREAM: That gun was big. So, flight is to be expected. I broke off from the rest and cut through the Car Dealership. Not so odd. But that the top level of their Enclosed Parking Garage somehow connected to a Church (most Catholic) is. Of course, what's even odder is that I was suddenly transformed into a priest complete with vestments. Hey, what do you know? I was the Cool Hippy Priest. But no time to talk, as I kept on running. Personally, I could do without the running. Further, I've been in this Church before... though, not as decorated. I wonder the role {that this Church plays in the World of Dreams, the metaphoric or literal utility of the locale}.

10:09: Super Lazy! Sleep & Re-Sleep!

Cleaning (by which I primarily mean sorting) is a good sort of nothing activity. Throwing things out is easier when nothing interests me. And it's a general sort of preparation for The Next Step... whatever that might be.

And then, I cut my finger. And we are done with that, having piddled about for an hour or so.

Let's work on those Taxes. The first step is entering all those 1099s into a Dollar Rounded Spreadsheet.

The complexity and difficulty of my Taxes are front loaded... and I go slow. But they've gotten simpler in recent years. For instance, the details fade but I've owned bits (small, very small bits, as one can own a single share of a penny stock) in Shipping, Oil Fields, and/or Pipelines. The details fade. But the added complexity come tax time made anything like that not worth the effort. Anyway, as time goes by, I'm stripping all the complexity away.

I've always done my own Taxes. There are edge cases that I really wouldn't know about otherwise. And when it comes to Pipelines and such, I've found that owning a single fractional share changes my understanding. But then, I used to be (please note the tense) the type of guy who would read All The Financials... BS & Boilerplate, included.

MUSIC: Alice In Chains: Rooster: I got a good stream of tears going when he begs for his life. If I could do that reliably, I'd be able to Bank It... somehow.

I like The Sun.
I like The Wind.
Simply Sitting is Good.

EYES: Oh, they suck. But I think a fair bit of my foul moods can be attributed to their decline. Today, they do not bother me enough to cause me to care or focus on their deficiencies. I will assume the earlier Tears were good for them.

I like Political Theory. I do not much care for Politics or Politicians. Sort of like how I find Legal Theory to be interesting, but the need for Actual Lawyers more than a bit disheartening.

Dinner and a Movie! So, a Night much like any other. Steak. Baked Berry Thingie.

Today was pretty good. A definite High Water Mark was during The Walk. I like being Out & About.

Outside of Words & Images, what other Output could I produce? And how would I push it out the door?

So Ominous

DREAM: As the Train (or was it a Car) pulled up into The Station (and/or House) the decorations were quite extensive. I had nothing to do with putting them up nor were they for me. But I was told I could pay for them as my part, which seemed fair.

DREAM: Having become convinced I was a Spy, I did little to change their minds... until I came right out and told them the error of their ways. But they weren't having it and still wanted a sample of my handwriting. I was OK with that. But The Dream never progressed that far, the sample always being pushed further back in time. They were going to condense the input via Machine Learning. And I would have liked a copy of my Processed Data. But to this they would not agree.

MUSIC: Snap: Rhythm Is A Dancer: among others, but of course.

The Pools are being filled... are filled.

EYES: Not as good as yesterday. Worries of impending Blindness enter my mind. Have I mentioned? I'm OK with the downward trend, dying at the bottom. What I fear is a plateau at the bottom... An Endless Valley of Darkness.

I found a Softball at The Park. It had a nick in it, which is why (I presume) it was left behind. But it's the first Ball I've thrown in years. Oh, I've got a few LaCrosse Balls. I wonder where a backboard is. Probably in The Basketball Court at The Far Park. {But the sign reads Basketball Only and the uneven brick wall would not be conducive to bouncing off of.}

Good progress on Programming, earlier in the day. I'll wind up Judging The Judges for the 2018 Term Year soon enough. I'm just a year behind. 2019 is wrapping up {The Court is wrapping it up} soon. I think I'd like to work the 2019 Term Year a lot faster. Maybe, I'll go for a quick one sentence commentary. Yep. That's sounding good. I could work it as a note: note, later comment, percent agreement with court and call it a day. Heck, I might even start that tonight.

FOOD: Chinese Take-Out

I'm tearing through the 2019 Term Year.

Big Offscreen Ending

DREAM: As part of The Promotion Process my supervisor plucked my Shirt Collar in the back in such a way it became creased and uncomfortable, presumably to insure I would not become a Stuffed Shirt.

DREAM: Alien Autopsy! We got ourselves a Cobalt. But he wasn't having any of it.

DREAM: The Brakes on my Dream Vehicles hardly ever work as desired. It's a wonder I never hit anyone. The guy in front of me stopped to shoot Arrows at Birds. In the end, there was lots of Road Construction and I found myself back on foot. The Street Demolition Crew was giving a (unseen and/or nonexistent) homeless woman lots of options. She could stay or go, leave her stuff or not. But they were going to chew up the road leaving a puddle of water inside her abode (if that's what you want to call the edge of the road she lived under) one way or another.

The other day, I'd casually mentioned to My Sweetie how I'd thought about collecting Van Gough Sunflower type Paintings when I used to go to The Flea Market (as a sort of joke) on account of seeing so many of them. And today, out by the trash, what do I see but a Similar Sort of Poster Print. I shall not take it... nor the scratched up Flat Screen TV without wires, which may or may not work.

EYES: The close-in work of Sorting Sports Cards is straining. I don't blink, as that resets my vision. So, it becomes a sort of Staring Contest.

I have changed my Search Engine of Choice. I do not like how the cache pages are being served. It looks like more advertising just for you. My take is that advertisers are being prioritized (in search results) and the pages themselves are being wrapped in additional advertising. The truth hardly matters. This is my perception. And it is my perception to which I am reacting.

If advertising were directed at me, providing information in which I was inherently interested, I am sure I would welcome it... or you know, if I was making a single penny from advertising myself. But I'm not. And it's not (relevant to me), so I merely find it distracting.

Time to Download some LEGO CAD Programs. Lots of choices to choose from. I may never load the one.

{The details fade. But I will assume the first mention was back-dated (i.e. added after the fact, as not all such notes are bracketed) or refers to the research. I send emails to myself containing links to pages which host programs (and/or something else I am interest in, often just the text of the page, itself) that I wish to download. And later (on a different machine) do the actual downloading. Thus, I'll presume this second note refers to the actual downloading and the first to sending a link.}

EYES: Loading up on Food & Water tends to make my eyes feel better. Of course, I never do Close-In Work while eating. Looking at food doesn't really count.

DREAM: It's more of a Vision. But I'm not going to start another tag. {I lie. I just did.} Anyway, it was a counter at an Old Time General Store, featuring a Cash Register and Tin Wash Basin.

For my part, I shall call him Clyde.

Too Much Politics

DREAM: I remember little. And just as soon as I say that, bits and pieces come back. Moving {packing to go from one abode to another}. Frustrating Game Controls. And a sled (think Rosebud) hanging on the wall off-center as a bit of Modern Art.

It is getting harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning. And I'm waking up earlier, more often, thinking it's later.

CLEAN: Air Filters. It's extremely unlikely I will make decent notes regarding this issue. I wash dishes multiple times daily... and do little else. Also, I cleaned the Shower Curtain, yesterday. But forgot to make a note, which I expect to be the default occurrence.

@JKR: I too have been called a C#nt. It took me by surprise the first time. I took it as a bit of a joke the second. I have no respect for the Intelligence of Crowds. They know what The Masses know and nothing else. For the most, Specialist Knowledge eludes them. For, All Humanity Communicates at a Sixth Grade Level. Not due to Stupidity. But rather, that's the Pre-Specialist Level. It's where Artists, Computer Programmers, Doctors, Lawyers, and all the rest can find Common Ground. None of this would matter if The Masses knew what they didn't know or were cognizant of the limits of their knowledge. But on the whole (and/or in each specific instance), that's The Domain of Specialists, who by The Nature of The Game are under-represented in Crowds: i.e. no matter that a Crowd is comprised of Specialists, when push comes to shove, a Crowd is just another name for a Mob.

A morning spent in debate. Well, it's long past morning. So, let's call it a day spent in debate.

RANT: Lots of these semi-tags are doomed to die a lonely death. But I just recorded a Verbal Rant, which is little more than Verbal Documentation... of a life few care about.

The Child is being rude to his Grandfather. I can sense my dislike of him grow {even though I have no real reason to like (and/or favour) the grandfather}.

EYES: Yes. Today, I sense The World disappearing. So, let us enjoy The Sun.

I'm Officially Sick of Politics.

Next Diary Project Entry

Home Diary Project Index

Proof-Reading this page is my writing for the day. My, how priorities change. But then, this is a fairly sizeable page.

© copyright 2020 Brett Paufler