Cherry Oatmeal Brownies

The last batch turned out fine, so no need to perfect the recipe, as it already has been. Unfortunately, I am who I am, so perfection isn't good enough. Also, I want to use the entire jar of cherries (juice and all) this time. And I've got a half dozen eggs in the refrigerator that are a month past their prime, so time's a wasting to use those up.

4-6 eggs (getting on)

2 sticks butter
25 squares 72% chocolate (about 11oz)

2 cups brown sugar (moist and gooey)

24oz canned cherries (juice and all)
3 cups oatmeal
1-3 teaspoons vanilla (eyeballing it)
1-3 teaspoons almond extract (splish-splash)

1 cup flour

1-3 teaspoons salt

60 min at 350°

I hear tell bad eggs (obviously bad eggs) sometimes float. After putting six in the water, one floated (one of these eggs is not like the other), so I threw that one out, keeping in mind that upon cracking it open, it looked good to me. Next, I cracked the rest of the eggs one by one. One of these had a slightly broken yolk, so down the drain it went, leaving me with four old (likely disease ridden) eggs. Obviously, this is not advice on how to test whether eggs have gone bad or not. And in fact, it seems probable (and therefore, possible) to me (as I can't be bothered to look this up), there's not any safe and reliable way to test old eggs; and so, that's what the sell by date on the carton is for. Anyhow, this is what I did. And if you are a forensics investigator and I am lying dead on the kitchen floor, that's what happened: bad eggs... a senseless death made all the more ironic, as a new dozen was purchased only yesterday.

Oh, also, during all this, I set up two (cheap as all get out) spotlights in the kitchen, as I'd like to be taking better pictures... and it's pretty dark in the kitchen. Anyhow, I doubt there will be any images for this post. I suppose you already know whether there are any pictures or not, as they usually appear at the top of the post. But whatever, I'm doing stuff. It's a busy day. I moved two small appliances (call them work lights) from one end of the apartment to the other, so time for a rest.

After all, it's not going to kill those eggs to age another hour. Me on the other hand...

And the laughs ensue.

Eh, turns out there's no rest for the wicked, so prior to reading an article in The Sun (my new literary magazine of choice, as sponsored by the free pile at the library), I opted to plop (not place) the butter and chocolate in a sauce pan and place (not plop) two additional pats in the baking dish.

Oh! I have a measuring tape!

Thus, the pan measures 14"x10"x2" with ¾" radius corners (it's a wild 's guess) and is constructed of ¼ tempered steel... sorry, glass. It's made of that oven safe glass stuff.

Um, back to those spotlights for a second. To save money, they were made without On/Off switches; and instead, work by remote control... which means a hostile entity -- <cough> China <cough> -- could (maybe, likely, just how paranoid do you want me to be) rig them as surveillance devices... which is really just another name for the Internet of Things (the IOT, you techno fool), so maybe I'm not as crazy as I sound. Obviously, the voices in my head are free to disagree, as it only causes trouble when I tell them what to do.

While the butter and chocolate were melting (on low heat, no sense burning it), I measured out two cups of brown sugar (the moist and sticky kind) about as carelessly as a person can measure brown sugar, while still pretending to measure it.

Due to other concerns, I was unable to read during my previous break. Thus, time to read, while the butter cools a bit... lest the eggs congeal upon being added.

But while the butter, chocolate, and sugar (all mixed smoothly together while warm) is cooling (so, still not reading), I poured the cherries into a bowl (a rather big one) and added the oatmeal, so it could soak up some of the flavor, mixing in the almond extract and vanilla at the same time for the same reason: i.e. flavor. Though, maybe, I should have put the last two in with the sugar, instead.

Ah, now time to read.

But I lie.

Everything is cool enough at this point.

Since I'd put the eggs back into the refrigerator in a jar, I shook that jar all up. Want to know why you are reading this? Or at least, where I think the real value added is (outside of warning you about government sanctioned spying, brought to you by your very own electronic devices)? It's in that shaking the eggs in a jar thing (with the lid tightly sealed, but of course). The best (and I mean, the best) scrambled eggs are made that way: loads of air, light and fluffy.

Anyway, after adding eggs and flour to the chocolate goop, with any luck we (or at least, I) can relax for a while: time being the best ward against any wayward lumps of sugar. In two or three minutes, the goop will soak through the flour... making a nice consistent mess.

After running the recycling, which is the modern way of taking out the trash, I mixed the lot together (meaning all outstanding ingredients or those residing in separate bowls), poured the lot (a singular lot, now) into the buttered baking dish, topped it all (so no longer a lot) with a heavy sprinkling of salt, set the oven to 350°, took the pot roast (by others) out of the oven, and commenced to reading... er, I mean, baking.

I'm thinking this will take ninety minutes: maybe sixty at 350° then another, eh, call it another hour at... I don't know, something warmish.

In the end, I did:

350° 60 minutes
275° 60 minutes

Um, so maybe a debriefing is in order. On account of the pre-soaking, the oatmeal disappeared even further into the brownies this time, having a mouth-feel like that unto nuts, which is good. On the other hand, maybe I am done with this dessert for the time being (or maybe there have been other sweets at hand) as a good month later and several pieces remain in the freezer.

It's probably (as in, it is definitely) time to eat down the freezer.

December, 2018

Brett Food

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